Back to school BASH!
Another school year has just begun and I’m already exhausted. I spent the weekend searching for the last three items on the school supply list that are nowhere to be found in the Austin metropolitan area, all the while grumbling about those better moms who finished their school shopping in July and posted pictures on Facebook to prove their preparedness.
Who are those women? And why didn’t God make me more like them?
What really wears me out is the wrestling match I face every year this time of year:
- I’m gonna be more organized vs. I’m gonna chill out this year.
- I’m gonna stay on top of the teacher websites vs I’m gonna allow my children to learn from failure. (Such a noble ambition.)
- I’m gonna get involved at their schools vs. I’m gonna relax and enjoy having older kids.
- I’m gonna spend more time with my boys vs. I’m gonna pursue a dream of my own.
And the winner is – I’m gonna go back to bed!
We’ve gone more than a few rounds, this opponent and I. She is strong and capable and what she does always makes perfect sense. In fact she IS perfection. Her children are great achievers but they are never driven by performance. They are always dressed sharply but they don’t need to wear name brands. They respect authority but they still know how to have fun. They are confident yet humble, independent yet compliant, leaders with a servant’s heart.
Who is my back to school basher? Her name is Control.
Have you met?
She’s a double-headed giant of a gal – Passive/Aggressive.
Control gives me a little break over the summer months but come August, she is working me over. I’m convinced my children’s entire future on the planet hinges on their performance in the upcoming school year (but I felt the exact same way last year). I struggle to know how much to involve myself, so I lay back until the missing work notifications sweep into my inbox. When I do intervene I turn into MonsterMom who takes over, pushes fumbling fingers off the keyboard embellishing editing dictation of the book report, only to feel sick about it the next morning.
Something has got to change!
I am obviously NOT in control. Is Control in control?
It was much easier to control my children’s lives when they were small. The larger they become the more I feel them slipping out of my grip. I am loosing control but I’m not sure that’s a bad thing.
My need for control is a sneaky little form of idolatry. Mini-god me wanting to be all-present, all-powerful, all-knowing what is right and perfect for my children. The truth is – I don’t know.
In the red corner….self-sufficient, self-reliant, and self-centered: The strong-arm of Control.
In the blue corner….attempting to trust and learning to lean: Me
Ladies and Gentlemen, Let’s Get Ready to RUUUMMMMBLE!
Do you battle the strong-arm of Control? How do you take her down?